One of my fears about this life is how common divorce seems in today’s society. I have always feared of having that happen and worrying on what would need to happen for everything to work out so that divorce wasn’t an option. This week proved to have a lot of great parts to it though. We talked about the 6 processes of divorce, predictors of divorce and protectors from divorce. Also about some very interesting facts that we learned is that divorce is super expensive. People also within the first two years wish that they had not gotten the divorce but had worked things out. 70% of people think that way and usually about 70% of men also remarry in that time so that makes it next to impossible for them at this point to get remarried. They  also did a study that showed people who took this study and where having a really hard time by 5 years later had shown that they were happy in their marriage. With this new information I decided that maybe I can not only protect my marriage but influence others to protect theirs and try to make a difference. We need to remember that covenant marriages are just that covenants set in stone and written by another one, we are not only compromising for a contract it is a covenant marriage. I can’t wait to share this with other people who also might be scared or thinking about divorce.

               Parenting seen in the eyes of today it seems like a very scary thing! Little kids running around spending enough time with them and yet also being able to support a stable life for them … all is crazy. We actually talked about how if you related families to and onion in layers the world really has been taking off different layers leading to the center which is family. We also got to talk about how having a very active role in our kids life is what would make a difference. We watched some videos that talked and broke down so many different situations we really can see that active parents have a very important role. Of course you don’t want to go too far either way. Finding a balance with each child and making sure to do your best to listen and talk with them. We also talked about some of the purposes of parenting. Though a lot of them where religious a lot seemed like common sense. But it was neat to see how much we can have an effect on the way our kids perceive things. Talk to them like an adult and let them be a part of the rules and consequences decisions especially dealing with them. That way they are accountable frothier actions and you are simply dealing out the consequences decided on.

               Finances and economic family situation have always been things that have made me timid about starting a family. Making sure that you can provide and support your family. Will your wife work and if so will the benefits outnumber the consequences? It was interesting in class we talked about what happens when eve a mother gets home just a few hours later. The kids now without supervision are more likely to get in more trouble. There even was a study done that showed that during those times the highest rates of nonviolent crimes happen all the time. So even though you are making up some extra money you also are sacrificing some very valuable time and developmental period with your children. Your family doesn’t even really have to be all that rich again going back to the beginning of the semester we saw that though yes it might have a little effect if we can provide the basics and work hard then we have the things our families need then we should be able to get all the things done. Time spent with our children is expendable. It makes me think of a Mormon message ad that ends isn’t it about time… even though economics of a family is important I truly believe that if we provide the basics then everything else will play a part.

One thing I have been an avid supporter of is communication. I totally believe that most of the world without meaning to do it miscommunicates and/or not a full understanding of what is going on. Even on my mission there were a lot of different things that would come up that I would be discussing, even amongst other missionaries, where I knew it was a miscommunication. I believe that if we could clarify and work on our abilities to ask for clarification instead of assuming we knew what someone was talking about I really do wonder and believe if the world would not be a better place. Even looking at the simple out line of communication First we start with thoughts and feelings, We decide the best way to encode that message, then use a media to express that encoded message (interesting side note is that only 14% words, tone 35%, and 51% nonverbal things like facial expressions body language and eye contact, after that the other person has to decode that message and this is taken back in as thoughts and feelings and then our cycle starts immediately over with the encoding. The hard part about this is that this happens many times even within a sentence. One thing that Brother Williams said that I believe to really think about was “We should communicate so clearly not only that we can be understood but so we cannot be misunderstood.”

and still more to come

After reading about what happened in our last discussion in class what would seem like the next best things that we could talk about? IF you thought it would be about dealing with stress, especially on the family level you would be right. One of the neat parts about this week was we talked about and really broke down what you might have thought and where those different thought came from. It’s important during times like this that we do take a minute to stop and recognize where the different thoughts came from. Doing this will allow us to asses where we really are at and what we might need to be doing! It’s interesting because during this conversation Bro. Williams taught us, and it makes perfect sense, that the brain is hard wired to protect life. What a beautiful thing to realize that it is our body’s conscious choice to stay alive and protect that. Likewise you have to realize how far a person must go in order to think about making a decision in the opposite. We continued to talk about the different ways to cope . . . and either we draw together or pull apart. Obviously from most successful to least was things draw together, or use alcohol and drugs. At least this is what we were able to discuss with or time in class. It really makes me stop and think about all the different things that I start to stress over and really it sounds crazy but it already has helped even with little things.

So I fell a little behind one this and decided to catch you all up on a week to week basis of what we have been learning about.

               We all have moments in our lives in which different crisis and things happen to each of us for our learning and growth. Some of the different things we learned about really stuck out to me. One of the things was to start off we talked about how the meaning of crisis in Chinese means danger and opportunity. This was a very true statement as discussed the different things that happens when and why you go through different crisis. There are things like trauma, urgent, family at risk, instability and much, much more. We took the approach of what happens to the family unit? Either it grows together or it grows apart and in some cases it could even do a little of both. That’s when we discussed a pretty important law, created by Ruben Hill, that helps recognizes and work on during a crisis. Its ABC-X , Actual event, Both resources and response, Cognitions ( before, during, and after)  to equal your eXperience. These are the things that affect us and our families during different crisis and if we can take each of them for the better way out. Last neat thing that I realized and thought was pretty neat was that when something stimulates and emotion, without anything else to feed off of it, it only last 2 minutes. Now it can feed off thought, something someone else does, or something else along those lines but by its self it can only last 2 minutes.

This week we have continued to talk about different family and marriage relations… imagine that :) it was really interesting though as we talked about different kinds of appropriate relations in marriage. Some that I have never really thought about but that after thinking about them make sense. One of them was how our friends play a role in our lives and how friends of the opposite sex really should be kept in a sort of check. Not that they are bad to have but in a marriage you need to be able to rely on that significant other for your problems not just a friend, especially one of the opposite sex. It was also really neat as Brother Williams started off our week by asking us to write on a question board with some of those questions we don’t get to ask all the time. It was neat to see as he really tailored his lesson to teach us different aspects of our sexuality in marriage. Now this week you really had to be in the class because of how well it was set up but let’s briefly say it was a very amazing and enlightening class this week!

This week in class we continued on our adventures of talking about finding spouses and well also married life. It is really interesting to me how often we can see that people are often doing different things to help marriages but in reality it is hindering the marriage. For example we have people that cohabitate to live together before marriage, which many studies have shown is actually a lot worse for the couple for many reasons. One they get used to escape routes, two their loyalty and fidelity aren’t as strong, three rates of violence increase and so much more. We also talked about a very interesting fact that marital satisfaction actually goes down with children. Isn’t that crazy to think about?! No matter where you are in life it goes down with all the new changes. Now it does level off as kids stop comin but with each kid it goes down but neat and strange things is that when they start to leave it starts going back up. Interesting but very true. The time spent with a spouse opens up the focus is less on the children and now more on the spouse again and there is more time to manage and let the other person know how much you care but word AND deed now that they are gone. It is neat though because even though this is true I wonder on if you were to measure the amount of knowledge and experience that was being learned during those times and I would hypothesis that you would find an increase level of learning and understanding about many things and virtues that follow along with being in a family. Because up to that point we mostly just focus on ourselves and maybe one or two other people but in a family there are a lot more to watch out for during those times. It was nice to see also that I wasn’t the only one worried about family and finances and stuff along those lines… but at the same time how do you balance all of it and when does it make the time right to follow Heavenly Fathers council… interesting and still thinking so I will leave you with that thought this week and more next week to come! J

What an amazing week this has proven to be here in our marriage and family relations class. I really don’t know where to start as we talked about something that has really been hitting home with me. Dating courting marriage and things along those lines. It is interesting how this book was written to show us first the importance of getting involved keeping people’s sexuality in order, the how important it is to get involved or date and then fall in love with someone before finally it starts talking about how you select a life partner. I admit when I started this class I was wondering what sort of things I could gain for my personal career. Now that I have been blessed to have been in this class and am in reality learning little things that could help in my job. The biggest thing is how much of a blessing it is and that I am coming to realize it is to be able to use this in the most important decision in my life… in all eternity. It has helped answer so many different questions of how and what and when and why different things have happened and a better understanding of the human nature. I mean why is it that we react to different people but slowly start to lose interest, yet with other people we never lose that or that initial awe and feeling of friendship. I have often wondered why it was that so many people feel like they are in love or even know what love is and that they are in love. Are they sure it’s not just a fling but a real thing. I know that even though we can’t give exact reasons or specifications on what love is I feel that after learning about how we react with a person and reading and better understanding of what kind of feelings we get for different situations allow us to at least have a better idea of what to watch out for. As Brother Williams said we probably understand love better than anyone else on campus. Even though I feel like there is a lot still for me to learn I do believe that is true. Never really before have I realized that often situation or things a person does is what we might love. That being in situations can arouse our feelings not just the person. For example we talked about a study were people were asked how attractive the person next to them was before and after. The research showed that for the most part they would rate them more attractive after because of the feeling and exhilarating feeling of the roller coaster. Crazy to think of but a true study, so for me it shows that we need to evaluate situations where we feel in love us a thing call the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model). This is a model where we look at different things starting from how we know so much and then move up  to trust and then rely and then commitment and then touch. With these things we want to slowly move each up and then we can tell how much of an attachment there is… and this is only one of the many tools were talked about that help us better understand not only what love is but how much we are in love. Actually answering a lot of questions that I have been having more and more and I am so grateful the lord has placed me in this class! I know everything that happens, happens for a reason and this is really nice lessons for eternity. I truly feel blessed. 

The great thing about this week was learning about how important different genders play in life. Learning about the strengths of each gender and the benefit of what each brings to our lives. It was interesting learning and talking about how when we change having both genders to support a family. This was interesting to see all the different opinions we had as well. Talking about where homosexual attractions came from and where they began. It was interesting how little things like over reacting or worrying about if your child is gay and then enforcing ways to make them not that way, it actually could end up causing them to become more of that way. It could stress family relations between other members of the family. It really was interesting to talk about the different ways we could help people see the importance. For example think if your son was playing with barbie's than as a father you could play with him for a little but make sure that he plays the Ken doll. This giving him opportunity to develop the different male tendencies and interests. What was neat to me was that I came to realize all these different ways to avoid these kind of reactions was actually opposite of what I thought would help. It also helped to talk about it in class and see other peoples opinion and why they thought the way they did. By the end of the week I have really come to see a better understanding not only about the importance of gender but what each has to offer in a relationship. It is amazing to me how Heavenly Father has planned it out in a such a beautiful relation and why it is ordained of God.

Often times in the scriptures we see places where Christ teaches us that we are not supposed to judge for various reasons. Well this week in class we talked a lot about first what kinds of problems different economic families around the nation have and how that correlates to their family life. We also studied how even different cultures and ethnicities effect family relations. This really hit me hard because I have always been one that tried to overcome culture boundaries and see everyone as equals. This helped me realize though that even if we view everyone as equals we can still can recognize were they came from. With that though we need to make sure that we choose the things that mean the most and act on those and change those that are not in line with what we believe. For example my good friend Kenny got married this week his wife Heidi. Now Kenny is Polynesian and Heidi isn’t. That allows for Heidi to learn a little bit more of the culture that comes with that. Learning different things of respect and importance of family, not that she didn’t know it before but will be able to see it in a different light. I do have to admit from what I have learned from different cultures and especially watching interactions with family has really taught me different lessons of what truly brings happiness in families. It may not be an easy road but if we are willing to learn and grow. I believe that is how we can glean from different cultures the things that we are impressed by and apply it in our own life. This might seem strange but I believe that we can learn from each other and truly do believe that this is one way we can do that from. I love this Gospel and learning about families and thinking about them in a temporal things but also to ponder on the eternal truths and family as well. Families are meant to be together forever anyway!

This week was kinda an eye opener in the sense of family relations. We took a family that was in a therapy session. In this therapy we saw the different ways to help bring a family together by helping improve their relationships. It was neat for me to see because we had a dad who was a little detached from the mother and daughter. The neat thing was that to bring the family better together you start with the parents. Like it said in the family proclamation. Then you can add in other family relations and they will more likely be able to be open. It was really great to realize and how you can help family relations best starting with parents.

Hi there everyone, hope that your week has been an eye opening one as mine has been this past week. As I have been reflection over different things that we have been learning in class and I am not going to lie I have been surprised by some of the things we have been taught. For example did you know that the fact that the world is going to be over populated any time soon is a false idea and that in reality, if the world doesn’t start making some changes then the world’s population will actually start decreasing at an increasingly faster way. Let me explain by giving an example. Look at a set of family the decides “let’s only have one child” then that child grows up and only has one child and well many of us live in a generation were we know our grandparents so let’s go one step further and say that grandchild only has one child too. If you were to map this out and look at it you have for every couple one less person. Why is that you might ask? Well if there is a mother and a father and you have a girl then she only replaced the mother not the father. Reverse that with a boy and you only get a father and not a mother. So looking at our example we see that by each of these couples only having one child we have lost in the first only one child but in the second generation because we already lost one and are losing another one we actually jump to four and by the time we get to the grandchild’s generation we have lost about 21 people because of that.. now that might not seem like a lot but that is one family and for the world that is about average fertility rate or rate of women having children during their lifespans. Now not to worry everyone but after a discussion board we had I would encourage all those capable people to have and raise or influence those raising children to ponder on this thought that President Young and President Kimball said;

“There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can.”

- President Brigham Young

"You did not come on earth just to “eat, drink and be merry.” You came knowing full well your responsibilities. You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits equally anxious to come to the earth for righteous purposes. And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles.

“Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work. And, John and Mary, do not limit your family as the world does. I am wondering now where I might have been had my parents decided arbitrarily that one or two children would be enough, or that three or four would be all they could support, or that even five would be the limit; for I was the sixth of eleven children. Don’t think you will love the later ones less or have few material things for them. Perhaps like Jacob, you might love the eleventh one most. Young people, have your family, love them, sacrifice for them, teach them righteousness, and you will be blessed and happy all the days of your eternal lives.“

- President Spencer W. Kimball

For all those who know that people are born into families that seem to hold them back or limit their abilities then I encourage you to ponder on these words and see what the Lord would have you do. It might be have more children, it might be to encourage others to have families, it might be to stand up for those who want to have many children, or it might be some other way. I Only pray that each of us will continue to stand and help our spirit brothers and sisters find homes of refuge from the world to gain their strength before they go back to the world. Even if they are not yours 24/7 maybe only a few minutes a week, from one that has had that happen trust me you make a difference a very sacred and real difference.

 

Well here we go to start off the semester. I admit I have been pretty surprised about the class and have enjoyed really getting started and everything. I can't wait to see what the rest of the semester has. It's been fun talking about biased data and things most reminding me of days back in statistics. Not going to lie though it is always fun to see somethings and be like yeah you know that they don't quite know what thy are talking about or well that's not very true now is it.